Haram Police: Turning Critique into Spiritual Growth

You know that feeling when someone calls you out on something, and you just roll your eyes? You think, “Why can’t they mind their business?” We all do it, and it’s easy to dismiss them and label them “Haram Police”—people who seem to be trying to correct your every move.

Back in my secondary school days when I was struggling with the length of my hijab and other Islamic rulings, I had a close friend from my primary school – Maryam – who never hesitated to correct my actions whenever we met. I didn’t like that Maryam judged me and I attempted to avoid her just to evade her constant Islamic reminders. In hindsight, I now understand that she did everything in my interest and I am happy that I can attribute my pristine Islamic journey to her.

Why did I feel judged?

When someone corrects us in matters related to the Deen, Shaytan is quick to make us doubt their intention, or how they offered their advice. We begin to feel they are too judgy and label them haram police.

In the book, Sins: The Poison of the Heart by Haifaa Younis, when stating the third meaning of Iblis, she said “The third meaning is تلبيس (talbis), which is translated as “confusion”. Two lessons can be taken from this meaning: (a) that Iblis himself is confused and (b) that his job is to confuse us. When we become confused by questioning what is right or wrong, or whether something is from the Qur’an and Sunnah, or why we should do something, this is all from Iblis”

Once corrected, Shaytan attempts to confuse us about the intention behind the advice. We begin to feel that the corrector is too righteous or overly judgmental. Shaytan blurts out any thought that will make us see good in the advice. This is easily done because Shaytan influences our thoughts through whispers vibrating in our minds.

“From the evil of the lurking whisperer — who whispers to the heart of mankind” (Surah An-Nas 114:4-5)

Often, shaytan’s whispers seem like our own thoughts. Because of this, we are constantly at risk of falling into his trap. It takes consciousness to dispel these thoughts and genuinely question why we should accept or reject the advice. It can be difficult to admit one’s mistake due to self-pride, shame, ego, and other factors, hence the tendency to blame others.

Are people who do bad things, bad people?

There was a time when I felt genuinely hurt by a friend who saw me doing something wrong and didn’t attempt to correct me. I thought, “Shouldn’t it be her responsibility to correct me when I’m wrong?”

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “A believer is the mirror of his brother. When he sees a fault in it, he corrects it.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, 238)

This hadith indicates our duties as believers to admonish ourselves when we transgress. In actuality, most mistakes are lapses —unintentional blunders that everyone commits. However, we shouldn’t normalize these sins because pebbles of sins accumulate to become a mountain of them and Islam discourages trivialization of sins. We must become mindful of these mistakes to become more adept at abstaining from them.

Ethical blindness is another major reason for the temporary myopia people experience when doing something wrong, otherwise known as moral blindness. This is when a person has a transient lack of perception of the immoral aspect of the situation or activities they are engaged in. This leads them to act contrary to their personal or religious values. The Qur’an constantly reminds us that Shaytan is our open enemy and would employ different strategies to make us deviate from our orthodox beliefs.

Anas reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “All sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who are given to repentance” (Mishkat Al-Masabi 2341)

It can be deduced from the above hadith that Islam acknowledges mankind to be inherently fallible. Our intrinsic nature includes the inability to be error-free. Unlike angels, we are capable of sinning but the means to determine the people of righteousness is what they do once they are conscious of their errors either through self-assessment or an external person that corrects them. Hinging on the second part of the hadith that gave hope to the despaired heart – who sinned – by informing them that repentance is the key to the purification they seek. Therefore, it is our innate desire to sin, it doesn’t necessarily imply that we are bad people. What we do after the wave of consciousness hits us or when someone corrects us determines our mindfulness of Allah.

One of the verses in the Qur’an that gives me solace in moments of guilt and worry is

“Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allāh. Indeed, Allāh forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Surah Az-Zumar: 53)

If my Lord, whose greatness is unfathomable and deserves endless praises, could still call me his slave when I had disobeyed Him; If He could tell me not to lose hope in His mercy and remind me of His beautiful quality to forgive sins, then I would always run to Him again and again to embrace the sweetness of faith. I will be grateful to Him for sending me a reminder or someone to remind me – Haram Police.

Kifayyah, an accountant shared her experience of a particular Muslim teacher in High school that sent her and her female friends home whenever he found them free mixing with the opposite sex.

“It really annoyed me, and I felt like what exactly is this man’s business? In retrospect, I am grateful for his admonition. Now that I am older, I realize that we are our brother’s keepers in Islam”

“But ˹continue to˺ remind. For certainly reminders benefit the believers” (Surah Adh-Dhariyat: 55)

Lateefah, a Tahfeedh teacher and entrepreneur, acknowledged the above verse and said “All reminders will always benefit the believers. It helps to curb our excesses and calls us to order”

“You are the best community ever raised for humanity—you enjoin good, forbid evil, and believe in Allah. Had the People of the Book believed, it would have been better for them. Some of them are faithful, but most are rebellious.” (Surah Al-Imran: 110)

This verse conferred the responsibility of encouraging good and forbidding evil on mankind. These two are in tandem and we can’t isolate one from the other. Although, Islam provided a guide on how to correct and admonish people.

Zaynab is comfortable without anyone correcting her as long as they catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

“It depends on the person’s approach. Some approaches are constructive making it easier for me to correct myself. I take all the admonition I am given, whether it is done kindly or harshly. As long as there’s proof that it is correct, I ensure I internalize it. But it is easier to implement when the correction was done with tact and wisdom”

“Invite ˹all˺ to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and kind advice, and only debate with them in the best manner. Surely your Lord ˹alone˺ knows best who has strayed from His Way and who is ˹rightly˺ guided.” (An-Nahl:125)

When commenting on this verse, Adham Sharkawi in his book, Messages from the Qur’an, said “No matter how right you are, and the other person is wrong, no matter how much you are on guidance and the other person is on misguidance. Morals come first”

All admonishers and ‘Haram Police’ should correct people’s mistakes like a soft breeze guiding a sail. We should correct with compassion, wisdom, and tact as the goal is to guide, not to alienate. Also, it is important to have accurate knowledge of the matter you are correcting people on to avoid unknowingly misleading people with false information.

Remember, the ultimate beneficiary of an admonition is the one who takes heed and applies the lesson.